you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
