Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
