Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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