she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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