he thought i was a dude.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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