my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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