You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
