walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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