well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
