At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
