you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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