bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
