There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
