You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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