good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
