this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
