you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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