Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
