Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
