I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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