the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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