Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
