she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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