I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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