He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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