why im i the only drunk person in the library?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Your penis caused this!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
