One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
