just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
