well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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