Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
