He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
