If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He better not be in your backpack
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
