i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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