It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I looked at my own cervix.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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