HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
