I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
