Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
