She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
