You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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