He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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