this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
