Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
