absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
