So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
