You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
