Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
