you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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