I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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