That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
