The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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